Hi, I’m Jessica and I’m a control freak. I love to have my life in control and always have a plan. God thinks that’s pretty funny. Especially, because He’s only been dealing with people trying to make their own plan since the beginning. Like, the Creation-beginning. When He made Adam & Eve the greatest place to live ever (Garden of Eden) and they threw it all away because they were deceived into thinking they could come up with a better plan. Spoiler alert: They did not have a better plan and now we have sin…so, thanks you two.

I know this story and the many, many similar stories that follow after it and yet I still find myself in the same struggle. Release control, His plan is better. But what if it’s not? It’s that teensy, little doubting question that makes me clutch onto my control as long as I can. What if this act of obedience God is asking me to do, turns out not being fun? What if it’s painful? What if it’s stressful? What if I don’t get what I want from it?

I’m in a Bible study that is going through Genesis right now and I think Abraham was a tad on the “control freak” side. He obeyed God, but always held on to a little control in the situation. In Genesis 12, God tells Abram to, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you”. So Abram does go, but he takes his nephew with him…not quite what God was asking. That ends up causing him some strife/drama later on(Genesis 13). Then there is a famine and I guess Abram didn’t think God would provide, so he takes his family to Egypt where he tells Pharaoh’s peeps that Sarai (his wife), is his sister. Surely that won’t cause drama…oh wait, it does. Pharaoh has some words in Genesis 12:18, “What have you done to me?” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife?” Can you say awkward?

The whole time I read this bit about Egypt, I kept thinking, “Abram, dude, this is such a dumb plan!” You want to tell Abram, “This is weird, man. Stick with God’s plan”. Then I realize, this is me. Me and my dumb plan. Me and my plan that I think is better than God’s, when actually, it’s dumb. It’s a plan all about me, what I want and protecting myself. Which is really, when it boils down to it, is my lack of trust that God will provide and take care of me. Like I said, dumb plan.

Later on, we find out that Abraham ends up in Canaan, in the land promised to his offspring (which at this moment, he has none–another promise). God fulfilled His end of the deal, even when Abraham was a screw-up. 2 Timothy 2:13 says, “If we are faithless, he remains faithful”.

I am often like Abraham and faithless. Even when God’s promise is right before me. I can’t seem to see past my own fears and need for control, even when God’s plan is so much better than mine. Luckily, His plan always wins.

Thank you God for being faithful, for looking past my doubt and still fulfilling your promises. Forgive my dumb plans and keep me focused on yours.

Thanks for letting me share,